What It Means to Be Seen (or, How Feeling Unseen as a Child Keeps You Stuck in Your Business)
I grew up feeling unseen. This feeling grew more intense the older I got. I wanted my Mom to know me, to see all the work I did internally (I was constantly soul-searching through my writing) and to be proud of me.
She would say to me, "You've changed." It was apparently a bad thing although I felt like I was ever growing more fully into myself, becoming more fully me, whoever I was meant to be. I was excited and wanted Mom to be.
I didn't even have to ask myself what I wanted; the voice of my emotional desires was incredibly loud and clear. "I want her to KNOW me." The desire was voiced. In fact it was a longing, because it felt like it would never happen. (Guess what? It never did. Mom has no idea who I am now.)
With an assuredness that my Mom would never really *know* or *see* me, I sought a love who would.
Fast forward --> I'm enjoying my 8th year with my boyfriend. And there are times I'm astounded by the clarity & depth with which he sees me, knows me. Other times, I've wondered, "Do you know me at all?"
He's incredibly supportive but doesn't fully understand the vision I have for my business, and it's the kind of thing where I need the support of others with similar ambitions and who are already there.
For a long time, I carried the belief that nobody possibly CAN see me clearly, except my boyfriend if I let him.
This belief, if it's yours right now, leads you to hide so much of yourself. Because really? Underlying is the belief that you won't be loved for all of you.
I would beg, literally, for time alone with my Mom, which I desperately craved. I was repeatedly denied this and my other emotional needs. I now understand that this was because my Mom is actually incapable of understanding another person's emotional needs and providing for them, but it became an expectation I carried of all people I engage with.
This showed up in all kinds of ways, including not investing in coaching or mentorship.
I was actually really afraid to be seen. To have someone understand who I really am, what I'm capable of, and even where I hold myself back.
It's also true that if you fear being seen or simply expect that others can't see you as you are fully, then you won't let clients get anywhere near you.
Since giving up that fear, I'm a very different person in the way I show up.
I now view my own clients and members of my tribe through the lenses of who they really are, what they're capable of, and where/how they hold themselves back. I won't stand for your excuses and your woundedness, not because I don't love you, but because I do. Because I know what a relief it actually is to have someone fully get me and push me past my current limits.
It is safe for you to be seen.
It is safe for you to pay someone to see you clearly.
It is safe for you to be paid to see someone else more clearly than anyone else in their life sees them.