Have you seen "Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru" yet?
For the first time ever, Tony let outside cameras inside his Date With Destiny event in Miami in 2014. It's an event that costs close to $5,000 to attend, and people come from all over the world to experience breakthroughs in their lives.
Early in the event, the filmmakers show Tony doing an "intervention" with a 19-year-old woman he picks out of a crowd. She's concerned that she isn't eating heathy. Tony quickly gets to the point that she's the daughter of a drug addicted man who craved constantly for his love.
Tony relates her experience to his experience with a mom who had her own deep issues. "If she had been the mother I wanted, I would not be the man I am so proud to be," he says.
Boy, can I relate. Growing up, I was my father's favorite and my sister, my mother's. That made me crave my mother's love endlessly. And things only got worse when my parents separated and men took up a lot more of my mother's attention. I begged for time alone with her and never got it.
Like Tony says in the movie, "Rejection breeds obsession." His mother is the reason for his drive to end suffering. My mother's withdrawal of all love and even financial support coupled with the incredibly high standards she'd held me to as a child created the drive I have to make something of myself.
Tony's advice to the young woman at his seminar was this: As much as she blamed her father for the bad stuff, she needed to blame him for the good. Blame him for teaching her love (even if it felt like it was by lack of it that she learned what it was). He even suggested her mother call him and blame him for the "wonderful daughter" he'd given her.
"I'm saying blame elegantly, blame intelligently, blame effectively. Blame at the level of your soul, not the level of your fucking head," he said.
I watched the documentary a couple of days ago, and it just hit me now... Tony says later in the film about being pulled toward his vision now instead of feeling pushed into it. And now I'm thinking about both the pushes and pulls in life.
For me, the pull used to be the idea of my mother's love and approval, and as I got angrier with her, my desire to prove to her how worthy I am became my push. Now, the thing that pulls me forward is the idea of a wonderful life all my own with a business that has an impact and all the other things I desire: big apartment, Chanel & Louis Vuitton handbags and trips to Paris.