Gotta Ask For More
Stuff comes up when it has to, right?
One of the truths about my #TRUTHLETTING, the daily unleashing I do like a tango with my laptop each day, is that I don't know what's going to come out... or why it does at the time it does. Well... That's really just because it has to, right? Because I need to say it and someone else (or multiple someone elses) need to read it. Nothing more complicated than that.
So I sat down today and found myself looking way back on my experience with money growing up and what my parents' lifestyle looked like.
My truth is: I've been asking to get back to the level of affluence I experienced in my childhood home ever since it disappeared from my life, and I ought to have asked for more, way more, and way sooner.
My parents' situation looked like this:
- Dad ran a business that made low-six-figures in good years, with him doing much of the work at a work bench in our dining room, with product and paperwork piled all over the dining room table.
- Mom worked a full-time job earning mid-five-figures annually, with her health insurance through work covering the family.
- Mom helped Dad build product and package it for shipment when she wasn't cooking (or picking up take-out for) dinner or doing laundry.
- Mom and Dad fought often and loudly, usually about money as far as I can remember.
- Dad, a collector of collections, was always researching some new obsession; he's owned multiple tents including replicas of wartime officer tents and a teepee, as well as watches and pocket watches.
- My parents rarely went on dates together because Dad always complained about the service or sent his food back.
As far as we kids were concerned...
- I could have almost anything I wanted if I bought it on sale. Bargain hunting wasn't necessarily needed, I don't think, but it was like a sport in my family. My maternal grandmother once bought me a Simply Vera Vera Wang purse for just $3 and some change after all her coupons and discounts at Kohl's; I recently gave it away even though I was tempted to keep it as a token of my family's bargain huntress skills.
- Mom took us to the movies and shopping almost every weekend.
- My room was filled with stuff.
- There was always food, toilet paper, batteries.
I never had to worry about necessities even if my parents fought over the money Mom spent at the grocery store.
After my parents' separation, I was supposed to be my father's financial responsibility, and my sister, my mother's. At some point, Dad stopped giving me support. I was still in college and he basically stopped providing for me after I started dating Chris.
I'm not looking to make anybody wrong here.... Just acknowledge that my higher self -- or God, or Universe, whichever you prefer to call it -- took me out of the situation of having the financial support of my parents, and having to find my own way monetarily and otherwise.
But instead of learning early on that I am allowed to want for even BETTER than my parents had, I just started to whine and moan that life was so much easier when I was under my parents rules.
"Why can't I at least have what my parents had?"
I know I've cried this a few times. Literally, with tears.
Here's what I need to believe -- and be saying to myself -- to get what I really desire: "I'm doing way better than my parents did in their best years together."
For whatever reasons -- that I truly don't understand as hard as I try -- my parents' marriage didn't work out, and it's SAFE for me to WANT to do BETTER. As well as to ACTUALLY do BETTER.
It's safe for me to do way better than my parents did in their best years together.
I deeply desire to make 6 figures each month, let alone each year, and I will outsource more and more of the housekeeping and management, the cooking, and anything else that isn't in my zone of genius. I'm not going to be doing multiple loads of laundry or fighting with my spouse over money spent (one of the four areas you should remain unbothered in your life). My parents did well for themselves in those years and better than their parents as far as I can tell, and I totally can honor what they gave me growing up while expecting and allowing better for myself.
So I do.
Expect and allow-
That I do better than my parents-
So I can provide even better for my own kids-
And experience the bliss and fulfillment of creating a business way bigger than myself that allows not just for my family to really fucking thrive, and for me to do things like offer support to foster children and help other entrepreneurs pay their bills as they grow their businesses (two causes I care deeply about).
How big are you asking? What for?
Oh, and always trust-
Your truth unlocks a whole big crazy cool life. Share if you dare!
With fervent hopes you'll return the love (truth),