Nope. No Work to Do On Comparisonitis.
You NEVER need to work on (not) comparing yourself to others.
Big fat freaking NO.
I've seen this time and again.
A woman shares the experience of comparing herself to another. "I would look at her an feel inadequate. She has it all together. I worried about why I'm not there yet."
Maybe you've said it too.
Thought it's something you have to *work* on.
That's because there's the idea that it's no more deeply rooted than changing the response. But the response of comparison, the mere fact you do it at all, is symptom of one much more complex issue.
Comparisonitis comes from the need to remember that you are your own source of well-being.
The experience of well-being, and all associated feelings -- worthiness, wholeness, happiness -- can be chosen and generated from within. It is only interrupted when we condition our well-being upon other things.
It is interrupted when we say, "I can't be happy unless I have this many clients," or "I can't be happy if I creep above 120 pounds," or "I can't feel good unless I make five figures each month," or ANYTHING else following the "I can't feel ___ unless ___" sentence structure.
The interruption of our well-being then takes the outside form of a person who strikes envy in our hearts.
That is why a woman's fit-for-Vogue Instagram account or post about her recent kajillion-dollar launch can set you off.
Because you'd decided along the way that you aren't satisfied if you don't check off certain boxes on an imaginary worthy list.
This is why simply telling yourself to stop comparing doesn’t undo the rot that’s eating away at your soul.
To stop that rot, you've got to lavish yourself in heaps of self-compassion and pouring, pouring, pouring from your cup through whatever means of expression feels most powerful to you.
Self-compassion is about a repeated, constant practice of making yourself -- exactly as you are -- OK, as much as it is about giving yourself the love you crave. I use the term "self-compassion" instead of "self-love" because of the murky capitalist associations with the latter term, but certainly, it can mean tending to your appearance, shopping and other things.
The expression is the most important part. Expressing all of your wounds, your traumas, your strange bedfellows, as well as your work to grow, your changing views, your bright future. Everything you think is risky to share, and everything you don't feel grounded enough in to share. Each time you do this, you heal.
These are the ways in which you return to wholeness, so that another woman's visibility doesn't set you crumbling in envy.
P.S. The Ease of Money Meditation - Crazy super fucking good 17 minutes of major alignment to make receiving and spending money easier than ever before. Less than the cost of a Dunkin Donuts medium cold brew, black with sugar. Created for you to use lying, sitting or even out making purchases.