Feeling Unloved, Alone, Unmotivated? Here's What I Tell My Clients When They Do
Imagine, you've hired me as your coach. I'm in your back pocket (you can message me any time between sessions, and book a session when you need it, not on some set schedule).
And a day comes along where you've awoken, meditated, written affirmations in your journal, listened to audios that usually get you pumped up, and you're flacid. (I love that word 😆) You've done everything you usually do to change your state, but you're simply unmotivated, wanting to stay on the couch all day, and you notice you're feeling unloved and alone.
You think to send your coach (me!) a message. (Hey, it's what I'm here for!) You describe your state and you end your text with: "What do you do on days like this? I can really use all the advice I can get 😞"
I read your message. And I know exactly how you're feeling. I've been there. In fact, I might have felt that way for a couple of hours a week ago.
So I tell you first: You're not alone. I feel that way at times too, and so does every other client I work with.
Secondly, I ask you: What thoughts are coming through you about what these feelings mean?
Third, I ask you if these thoughts are actually true. Is it actually true that you'll never feel love again? Or that you are doomed to spend every day for the rest of your life unable to get off the couch?
Fourth, we replace these false ideas with PERMISSION to feel how you feel. Feelings/emotions are meant to be felt (more accurately, experienced and expressed). And these feelings of unloved and alone and unmotivated are actually all a perceived lack of a desired emotion.
Here's what I know about a lack of a desired emotion: It is showing me all the space inside me to be filled with the desired emotion. It is CRACKING ME OPEN to experience even more of that desired emotion than I've ever previously felt.
(Also, somewhere along the way I'd ask you where you're at on your hormonal cycle because it could just be part of your estrogen levels dropping as your womb prepares to shed its lining and an unfertilized egg.)
Moments of exquisite pain lead to moments of exquisite pleasure. <-- This would be my mantra for you (fifth). I'd remind you that this is part of the ebb and flow of life, part of the process of expansion.
Sixth, I'd ask you how you want, in your current state, to spend the next few hours. And seventh, I'd check in with you a few hours later to ask how you're feeling.
My prediction is that before I even get the chance to check in on you, you'll text to tell me that giving yourself permission to feel it all (or the 'lack' of it all) has allowed it to subside faster than ever. (That's what happens when you're not fighting how you feel.)
That's how I'd coach you if you told me you were feeling unmotivated, alone, and unloved.