Access Your Godliness and Ditch Your Need for Approval

Are you proud of me?

A lot lately, I've found myself asking my boyfriend this question. He'll voluntarily say it randomly and it's always a sweet shock to my system when he does. Other times, I need him to say it. Like craaaaaave those words from him. 

So I'll ask him. He always obliges. Sometimes the conversation that follows is illuminating because he'll share how he sees me and I learn something new about myself and us.

Other times I feel kind of sick that I even needed to ask.

Do you find yourself asking for (or just secretly craving) approval from others?

Just pause for a moment to take stock of the most recent instance when you asked for someone's approval. Maybe many other instances are flooding to you now.

Now, close your eyes and notice how you feel when remembering those moments. Do they make you cringe? Or are you actually more able to focus on the answers you received than on having asked at all?

When I do this, I feel a sickness in my stomach -- I cringe -- at having felt the need to ask. Parents learn to let their babies cry in their cribs to self-soothe. Or at least, I think most parents do that. Why can't I self-soothe as an adult? Why do I need outside approval?

There are many causes for which the effect is you asking for approval. 

Call to mind a moment when you outright asked someone if they were proud of you. What was going on in your thoughts in the moments before you asked?

Maybe you were thinking: Wow, I have actually done it! I said I wanted to do this forever and I finally did it! Did they even notice?

Remember a time you asked someone if they thought you were beautiful. What was going on in your thoughts in the moments before you asked?

Maybe you were thinking: I feel beautiful in this lipstick. Why haven't they noticed?!

The basic principle actually in action here: You are seeking affirmation of your existence, accomplishments or looks.

Perhaps this is a natural side effect of how we learn "proper behavior" growing up. Our parents had to give us yardsticks by which to measure ourselves and, in fact, they were measuring us. And they never really stop, do they? But at some point, for us to reach new heights, we have to go FLYING past what people consider proper. Yet asking for approval is always, in a way, asking that people find us proper.

In these moments, you are operating on autopilot, largely unconscious of your behaviors and the thoughts driving them. (That's OK! So many people do this day in, day out. It doesn't make you wrong. But you can change if you desire, and I'll address how shortly.)

Are you ready? I'm about to reframe the desire for approval, and this WILL change your life.






Wanting outside approval is a hangover from your past. You can let that go.

In my journaling this morning, I downloaded this message: It's not actually that you want approval as such from others but celebration.

You want to celebrate who you are now because you've changed into a person of whom YOU yourself are proud.

(And you'll keep shifting if you allow yourself to keep growing.) 

You want to share that pride, let it reach beyond yourself, and see it reflected back to you in the loving faces of your community.

Totally valid!

Really, a celebration (with others present) is the extension or expansion of your own good feelings beyond the physical container that is your body. It is the amplification and reflection back to you of your own good feelings, allowing you reach even greater heights of positive emotion.

Celebration is powerful.

You actually can do this in a meditation form. Picture the amazing energy you feel as a ball of light dropping through your crown chakra down and out all of your limbs. Then bring the ball into your heart chakra and see it supercharged. Now it's growing, growing, growing, and it's reaching beyond you to fill your home, your street, your state, your country, the world and beyond! (My coach Jen Cincurak leads me through this at the end of most sessions, and when we do it, I walk away feel extra super special and unstoppable. Give it a try, will you?)

Another tool to help you grow, by the way, is the FREE recording of 24 Affirmations to Make $60k Months Fun & Easy.

Remember: This is YOUR life. It's YOUR world.

What appears to be your need for "approval," in the way you have always defined it, is a call to access your God-like power. (Yeah, that God... from the Bible.)

When you can draw others into celebration with you, this is a vibrant moment in which you experience your power of influence over others. 

It's not the only way to experience your godliness, which is what I call it when you're so focused on good feelings that you have accessed higher consciousness. Because when you access that higher consciousness, you're bending the world by the might of your positive vibration. You've stepped out of victimhood and into godliness. 

You do life instead of life doing to you.
^^^ THAT is motherfucking godliness.

I also downloaded this sentence when I journaled this morning...

The more you step into your godliness, the less you'll care about whether things are OK by anyone else's standards.

All that really means is: Focus on feeling good and you won't need old-fashioned approval. Heck, you'll even (effortlessly) draw others into celebration with you.

How about the following as a bumper sticker?

The ultimate act of self-care is accessing your godliness. 

Not to belabor my most crucial point here, but... 

Your God-likeness is unlocked by a focus on feeling amazing.

The longer the stretch of time you allow yourself to stay focused on feeling amazing, the more you step into your power as the center of your Universe calling in all the people and trappings you desire.

SHARE IF YOU DARE: In the comments below tell us, what did this post bring up for you?

BTW. Writing is perhaps my favorite tool for accessing and exerting my godliness. If you want to learn the secrets to unlocking your godliness through writing, come on over to the #TRUTHLETTING 21-Day Challenge.